i'm turning 24 really really soon..i need to get my life back together.
and i've thought pretty long and hard about this. but yeah,
from here onwards, the posts will not be sad or sappy anymore.
just REAL LIFE STORIES!
with a dose of humor, i hope.:)
my body aches but i'm dancing
my heart is empty but i'm feeling
my brain is blown into pieces but i'm thinking
my hands shiver but i'm writing
my feet is numb but i'm walking
my lips are torn but i'm smiling
my mouth bleeds but i'm laughing
my eyes are tattered but i'm seeing
my ears are bushed but i'm listening
my neck is strangled but i'm breathing
my tongue is sore but i'm eating
my voice is fading but i'm singing
my organs are damaged but i'm alive
i wanna scream but the words don't come out
i wanna cry but my tears have dried out
i wanna shoot but i don't have ammunition
i wanna run but my toes are bruised
i wanna fly but i have no wings
i wanna write but there are no words
i wanna hide but everyone's watching
i wanna drown but there's no water
i wanna be saved but my door is shut tight
i wanna be myself but it seems impossible
i wanna forget but i remember everything
i wanna crash but i'm not driving
i wanna love but all i see is pain
i wanna bleed but i'm all drained out
i wanna be true but i pretend
i wanna fall but i'm on flat land
i wanna sleep but i have nightmares
i wanna hope but all i see is destruction
i wanna try but all i see is darkness
i wanna wake up but my eyes are open
this is not depression.this is something else.
bloodshot eyes,a single word i cannot utter
my bloodied hands clutch,the wound left open as it were
i try to get up,wipe away my tears
something tells me you will be here
running across the open road
sounds of cars and trucks bombard my ears
i scream your name out loud
can i ever get out of here
i see your smile,your laugh with every step
it's obvious you're all i see
if i said stay,would you stay?
and then i breathe you in.
i walk and keep walking
gazing up at the stars that seem to fall from the black sky
a light hits me like lightning
now i can fly...
the yellowed letters that i found lying under the bed
smell of dust and age,concealing the hours and days that spiraled into years
the crawling spider stopped its track,as if reading the words as i am now.
ripped up papers confettied on the floor
i pieced them back together like solving a never ending puzzle
how long has time passed?
i sank into the pages not knowing where it starts, not knowing where it ends.
up in the attic i hear cries of laughter
not anyone else but mine.
swallowing all the words whole,i wonder where the hell was i all this while?
i rack my brains but nothing comes.
i pushed myself to the window and see the white snow covering the grass
just for a minute,everything comes flashing by
there's a grin on my face and sparkle in my eyes
i hit the button , the one that says record
and begin to tell my side...
**In memory of a dear companion that passed on recently**
8.00 pm
A nightclub in Bangkok
There’s deafening sounds reverberating through every crack in the walls. Darkness takes order in the room. This is the night they’ve all been waiting for. Pills are scattered across the room with a promise of ecstasy and unprecedented bliss. As the music starts, everybody goes into a trance and drowns with whatever is left of reality.
A man is sitting at the bar, popping pill after pill and washing them down with Coke. The pills take effect almost immediately. Where am I..? He feels dizzy and starts shoving everybody as he makes his way to the exit. Seconds later, foam forms in his mouth and he collapses into a state of shock on that cold, cold street.
A housing area in Anbar
A wedding ceremony is taking place. The bride is wearing a resplendent white gown and holding a bouquet of roses. Relatives and friends gather around and do the traditional dance. The bridegroom is hoisted up in the air like a newly crowned king. Children are running and laughing. This is one of their better days.
This isn’t the nicer side of town. In the background, there are crumbled walls which once made up a house. The streets are lined up with abandoned cable cars and death looms in the air.
As one of the relatives makes a speech, the sound of siren is heard. At first, it sounded like the patrol making their rounds. But they know better. A missile is coming. Everybody starts running for shelter. A father and son hide in a drain while holding each other. They start reciting a prayer as they wait for the inevitable.
A gas station in Ohio
After finishing her afternoon shift at the hospital, she stops by at the gas station to fill up. Hmm…Is Josh asleep already? I hope I can get home in time to kiss him goodnight. Josh is 9 years old and has cancer. She is a single mother who has to work double shifts just to pay the medical bills.
She enters the convenient store and heads for the refrigerator located at the farthest end of the store. The cashier is humming to the background music while chewing a gum. Another guy is busy browsing through a Playboy magazine.
Moments later, a man armed with a rifle storms through the door. He shoots randomly and at any living thing. There is no time to run. She sees the cashier’s eyes as he falls to the ground. She tries to keep silent as she hides under the rack. Then, a pair of legs approaches.
*These stories are not written to instill disgust or fear about death. They simply tell us that life is fragile and short. But it doesn’t mean that we should waste our moment and stop living.
We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon. --Konrad Adenauer
I saw you for the last time today
Your eyes seemed to glow like crystals
Against skin and bones that are fading away
Like dust scattered in the air
Blooms of cerise and blue
Greeted us with a smile
I took your hand in mine
And said, let’s go for a ride
The bench where we first met is now rusty and worn
You smiled as you leaned your head against mine
The sound of traffic filled the milieu
No words were spoken as we gazed into the night
If I could see you one last time, I’d listen to you
And write every word down and not be rude
We would get popsicles by the pier
And stuff ourselves silly till our lips turn blue
I’d make silly faces just to see you laugh
And not miss every second
Cause you’re like the smell of rain
That I could sink into again and again
So here’s to say goodbye
It’s time to let you go
A tear streamed down my cheek
As I kissed you one last time
Don’t worry, darling
Soon we will meet again
Be up among the clouds
And build castles in the air
-yet another ‘jiwang’ entry inspired by the silent night-
