stars and satellites

this past few weeks, i've had the chance to meet different people,see the good side,the bad side and all the in betweens.their true character,their passion,their desires,their secrets.the stories that i've heard,the things that i've seen seem somewhat overwhelming at times.there's only so much words and images one can swallow at any one time.but in a sense,i think it has helped me see the real me.the me that i want to be.the me that i hope i will never be.the me that's just...well,me.

i read somewhere(a trivial source)where there were all these comments regarding women.especially women who cover up(if you know what i mean).they said that women who cover up tend to get "hornier and easily aroused.therefore, they are constantly wet between their legs".i was completely repulsed by the statement.call me a feminist but are women really that hungry for sex??what about the men then??doesn't it take two to tango??

how odd that in this technological era,a person can be so shallow and stupid as to even think about making such statement.it just goes to show that you can live in an urban city,go to university,talk fancy and shit, but if you don't dissect your brain and analyse how frivolous you are,you'll always be that same loser who just craps but has no substance.

i'm beginning to feel old.like,REAL old.and it doesn't have to do with age.i just feel old.wiser?i hope...

The familiar faces are not there anymore.replaced instead by unknowns and more unknowns.
am i ready to go out into the world?am i really who i am??or is this just another mask?another facade?
am i trying to prove something?am i pretending?am i someone else?
am i a robot underneath all this skin?
i'm seeing something,someone, but is it real?or an illusion?
the things that i possess.that i hold.that i own.do they have a real meaning?
is it what it seems to be?

by now, you can probably tell that i have a thing for blue:-)
it doesn't mean that i'm gonna be a walking blue man anytime soon, though.

it's 4.37 on a cold Thursday morning.i'd just got off the sofa, after slumping on it watching tv for 6 hours straight, give or take.i thought a lot about what to write today.i could talk about politics that seem to get dirtier every single day.i could talk about the latest gossip in town.or i could write about the time and energy wasted loving something that never really existed.in the end,i decided to write as i go along.hurt can be a great muse to write something.perhaps it's because you feel so much for that certain thing or someone that you try to channel all that feeling into words.or actions.i just finished watching 'Love Story' a moment ago.and really,love stands above all.if you really love that person,you'd do anything to make it work.even when a person dies,it will not shatter you.instead, it will make you free.liberated.emancipated.

it occurred to me that those stars that i try to chase seem to be farther and farther away as i try to climb higher.but i think it fills yet another chapter of my life.fills another spot in my memory.you could say that there is melancholy in this entry.but i think there's a certain sadness in a crowded room too.


we were having dinner at this restaurant and there was a program shown on tv about 'kangkang' rice and stuff.and EVERYBODY had their eyes glued to the tv!it's sad watching them watching the tv like that.i mean, when it comes to hunger crisis or pollution, no one gives a shit.but when it comes to sex,massage parlors,prostitution,bomoh etc...suddenly everyone wants to know!at that single moment,i wished i was in a different place.different state.different country.

but my feet on the ground brings me back to reality.it appears that a drop of tear has burst out of my eye.good morning...