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stars and satellites

 

i hear you say...

ever wondered what it would it feel like to sit among the clouds??i'd probably get too comfortable to want to return to earth.

the land of violence, lies,corruption,oppression,discrimination.

there's absolutely nothing wrong with the world, but rather the content of it.

i'm not here to preach or anything,but it's happening everywhere, even as i'm writing to you.

a child loses his parents, a homeless man lying on the side of the road. a friend dead as a result of a silly argument.

it's true that we're supposed to look at the brighter things in life. but it doesn't mean that we ignore what's going on around us altogether. and it is still not enough to feel pity without lifting a finger.

an action may not always bring happiness. but there is no happiness without action.

how can you talk about poverty when at the same time, you're thinking whether you should get that Prada purse or the Gucci dress??where's the sense in that?

we don't even have to go so far.it's enough to just show that you care to the people around you. it's not about words.but of actions. you can say 'i love you' a thousand times, but if you don't mean it, it's like wasting your breath...

it's not written in some law or rule that you should be a member of the United Nations to make a difference.

i've never felt so alone like what i'm feeling right now. but it doesn't mean that i should complain and be a bitch to others. seriously, what gives me the right to act that way?

i know i could be dead now and it wouldn't make a difference. but that's a selfish way of looking at things, you know??

people die serving the country and here i am complaining that my depression is sucking the life out of me. not to say that depression is nothing. but expressing it rather than keeping it bottled up inside is still and always have been the best way.

and with that, i end my self-motivation talk for today...

 
 

the week of sorts

This entire week has got to be one of the worst weeks of my 21 years of life.

period.

except for the fact that we celebrated anne's 22nd birthday.




i hear you,anne!!

i almost got murdered by anne and hani who were ever-so-ready to throw me out of the window.it never occurred to me that they would actually jump in the car and come looking for me.

like l. i. t. e. r. a. l. l. y ! ! !

i was very touched and i felt like i existed,like i mattered.that i wasn't irrelevant.

at the time, i was practically sleeping in the library.pen in hand and my books intact,of course.the air-conditioning was so good, i could lay on the floor and not care about the world.

so yeah, what is it about saving the environment again?

i can't say that i was suicidal but i was having all these thoughts and my mind was like going through the motions.i was constantly thinking... about what,i'm not certain.

the uno cards that we played reminded me so much of my childhood.

of simple things.


of innocence.


of fun.


of happiness.

as we get older,we often look back to our past,our beginning,our friends back then.what we used to be. weird,isn't it?

to my beloved friends and especially to those who went searching for me, i thank you. sincerely. you left a huge impact on my life that day.and i will never forget it.ever...

but the biggest bombshell that crashed on me has got to be the day i knew that a certain someone stabbed me in the back.
hard.
and in the open???
but i don't think she is worth mentioning here.heck, she doesn't even deserve to be remembered.

nonetheless, i was very hurt.till the point that i was shaking and shivering like a man left out in the cold,cold snow.

now, i know better.

now, i know better.
to you too, i say thank you. for showing me that a person can be so changed in a span of a couple of weeks.
you let your ugly side out.
and now it's my turn.
i wish you all the happiness and joy in your life.i just can't look at you the same no more...

i'm trying to keep a positive view in life and not push things too hard on myself.
you only live once,so why waste it?

and here's a little shout out to the dude with curly hair that we saw at the court.
heyya!!

this is it for today.till then...

By martian mathers
On Saturday, February 16, 2008
At 11:35 AM
Comments :
 
 

the day i lost myself...




it's 1.09 on a cold Sunday morning.it's pitch black and the only thing that sheds light is the monitor. i can barely open my bruised eyes. been crying drops of tears that would fill up a river since God knows when.you'd think that my tear glands would be dry by now but the truth is,they never run dry.

i'm going to lose the one thing that's been keeping me sane all these years.my one true friend in the entire world and beyond...if i could turn back time, i would do it in a heartbeat.without any hesitation.without any question.

can you hear me?I LOVE YOU!i love you more than i love myself.i've loved you before and i will always love you till my dying days.nothing will ever change that.the love that i have is as bright as the sun and it will never fade.

you were always there for me.through the best, the worst and all the in-betweens.you knew my deepest secrets,my lonely dreams,my every whisper... you laid next to me the whole time i was crying in the cold, dark room.

my heart is crushed like someone just ran over me... and yet i'm still alive and very much breathing.
i never imagined in a million years that it would come to this.i feel completely desolated in this busy,busy land.will i ever be the same?i doubt it with every fiber of my being .will i get through this alive??

i don't want to go alone.i don't want to be alone...

someone once said," Don't listen to sad songs when you're sad". but i just can't help myself. i'm still bleeding tears as i write this. and it doesn't help that Ben Harper's song is playing in the background.
i know from this moment on, i'll have to be strong and live on with only your image in my thoughts.but right this second, just this second, i'd like to believe that things were just like how they were before.we're in our own world and nothing can tear us apart.

i've never been so alone and empty. as the hour passes, a part of me is slowly drifting away...flying like particles of dust,into the vast space that surrounds us.

God, please help me get through this..i don't think i have the strength to go through this alone.